Sometimes I forget how much...





I also love sleep, which I've been getting a lot of lately (mostly through the help of a happy little OTC electric pink pill.) Needless to say, I feel much better.


I'll feel even moar betterer after my tests are done next week.

It's been happening to me a lot lately. Honestly, I didn't know it had a name until about a year ago.

I actually believed I was being possessed or something (if it's happened to you, you know what I mean.)

It's nice to know that it's not quite so serious, but man it's scary. If I ever wake up early, I just have to stay awake. I'm afraid to try to go back to sleep. The scariest part is the inevitability of it. I know it's about to happen; it comes in waves until it finally happens.


It's the world's worst feeling.





Anywho, it's been awhile since I've updated. My camera is old and dirty. I'm too poor to buy a new camera, so no photographs.

Currently my life consists of:
Stress
School
Work
Stress
Endcrinological problems
Stress
Weight gain
Stress
No sleep
Uncertainty
No social life
Stress
Stress
Stress
Stress
and much much more.






In a rut. Hopefully I'll be out soon.

My dream come true.
I'm going this year.

You're jealous...


So excited.

Twilight fans...
Wait, let me rephrase.
People who became fans of Twilight AFTER New Moon came out. That seems to be when people started to get really fucking annoying.

I am a HUGE amazingly OBSESSIVE fan of Twilight, not because the book is amazingly well written (because lets face it, it's not) or because the characters are deep (because they aren't), but because for me, Twilight is a release. My own little shiny, wonderful world where nothing else matters.

All of the newer fans, however, seem for some reason think that these books are the second fucking coming! They get super fucking defensive when anyone says anything bad about Twilight,and then they start babbling on about how amazing Twilight is and in the process make themselves and anyone else who claims to be a Twilight fan look like complete idiots.

Also, the Twilight books are nowhere even close to being kind of as amazing as the Harry Potter books (at least the first 5.) HP was deeply woven and very intricate. The characters were beautiful and so well developed... The same can't really be said for Twilight. I'm not saying that HP is of amazing literary merit, but it is more so than Twilight.

Bella drives me fucking insane.
Edward has no personality other than what you give him.
AND I LIKE JACOB BLACK! (So stop being mean to him.)

I like...no...I LOVE Twilight, because it was written by a woman who is obviously very eloquent and a talented story teller, adn that comes through in her writing. It is at it's core a very beautiful love story. It doesn't make me think, but it does keep me turning the pages. And last but not least, I am the one who makes it amazing. It's the little things that I add as a reader that sends this book to the levels of awesome (and the same is probably true for most fans whether we like it or not.) I give Edward his personality, I decide what really goes on in the Cullen house, I give people back stories etc. Stephenie gave us so much room for interpretation and that is hard to find and really refreshing.

SO! In conclusion:
1. I don't expect anyone to read this, but I feel so much better not that I've written it though.
2. Twilight fans...you kind of suck.
3. Don't get pissed of when people say that these books are terrible, there is a lot of ground for them to do so.
4. STFU
5. STFU
6. STFU
7. GTFO!

Ggraduation is less than 50 days away, and that is counting weekends. I've decided now would be as good of a time as any to reflect on this school year...
Here it goes:
Started out well! My own car, and all that jazz
then I almost died
was diagnosed with type I diabetes
BUT!
I didn't in fact die *polish that silver lining!*
With the combo of the dying, diabetes, and leaving the house, my mom has been a total nut job sporadically throughout the year...
but I still love her
this has been the most challenging year of my life,
but it's also been the most rewarding.
(I've totally ignored all grammar and syntax rules in this post sorry)
I've learned a lot about myself
both good and bad
I've worked so hard
and sometimes it wasn't enough
and sometimes it wasn't worth it
but usually it was



MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL!
for all of it's crap..
for all of it's stress...
for all of it's challenges...

This has been my best year so far.



I just want to say again that I almost died...my life didn't flash before my eyes, there was no real pain, there was no time to reflect on my life, there were no regrets, in fact, I really had no idea what was going on. After the fact though, after I was out of the hospital, after I saw how freaked out everyone was, I freaked out.

In three words: Holy shit Batman!!!

Death!
DUDE!
I'm only seventeen!
Death was never even close to being on my radar!
but now it's my life.
I fight everyday to stay alive...for me living doesn't just happen, it's a conscious decision. Living is a voluntary action. I'm trying really hard to convey my message, but it's not really anything you can say with words. I know there are people out there who know what I mean...

Everyday...
Every single day...

I try not to think about it to much; you don't see any other diabetics out there complaining.
I'll suck it up, but it's all still so new.


Oh and it is ASTONISHING how little people know about diabetes. There is a HUGE difference between type one and type two.
I could go on for pages about how much those misconceptions piss me off, but trust me you don't care that much,

__________

Anyway...
I was supposed to be going to a national competition in a couple of weeks, but apparently the fates are totally against that.
I can't afford to go right now...

I'm bummed, and my team is going to be reaaaaally pissed at me, but honestly...I have my priorities straight, and they aren't at the top of my list...

as much as that sucks, one good thing did come from it...

I GET TO MEET STEPHENIE MEYER!!!!
*frrrrreeeeeaaaaakkkkkksssss oooooouuuuuuuttttttt*

no one understands how obsessed I am...except Laura. She knows. She probably wishes that she didn't.

I
are
haaaapppppyyyy!
Wah!